Lets get Kevin.

Here's an interesting story from last weekend that doesn't involve giant beer steins:

On Friday night I was out to dinner with The First Boob, and Bitch Magnet (He's not Bitch Sauce this week because of his shut out ending, run scoring, leg and arm scraping triple in the FBF game last week) sitting outside at Sopo.

Jelly Fish and Hicks met us after a long day at the cubs game. After they joined us we noticed this guy staggering down the sidewalk on Southport towards us. He stopped about 50 feet short and stood there swaying, and then he stumbled around looking like he was going to puke. He was hanging on parking meters. At one point he was leaning on a random parked car, all the while looking like he was going to throw up on everything. Of course we are laughing and staring at this guy, making jokes like in the last episode of Seinfeld where they stand there and make fun of the fat guy getting mugged.

During all the fun Taylor decided it was a little too long of a day, so he headed home. So as we are making fun of the guy, three girls are walking past him and he step out in front of them like he is trying to pick them up, but instead of doing anything he just falls over. The girls talk to him a little and then walk away. We asked them what was wrong with the guy and they told us they weren't sure if he was just drunk, or what because he had blood all over his face, arms, hands, and shirt. So of course, TFB now wan;t to go make sure that the guy is ok. I am waiting for the check so BM, TFB and Jelly go over to see what is going on.

I get over there and the guy is a total mess. Hi face is all swollen and bloody, he is a drunken puddle and he can barely talk or walk. We try to get him into a cab, but he won't let us telling us that his friends ditched him and that he either fell or was pushed out of a cab. We don't think it was moving at the time but the way this guy looked it is possible. He looked like he may have just fallen flat on his face, like how Jelly fell flat on his back that one time. Like a tree falling over, with no arms to stop him.

He tries to walk away but we walk with him because we can't leave him like that. Actually, as badly messed up as he is, it might be criminally negligent to leave him that way. Anyways, TFB gets him to tell us his name and address. Its Kevin and he doesn't live too far. We walk this guy to his apartment building. He manages to get himself into the outside door, but we don't leave so we can make sure he gets into his apartment.

Its on the first floor so we watch him from outside as he struggles with the key to his door. After about 15 minutes TFB decides to help him so I go in with her. This is the first time I notice the unmistakable smell of poop in the pants. TFB is quick with the door, Kevin waves his hand for us to come in, but we get out of there as quickly as possible. Back on the street I inform the others of the probable load K-man had dropped and Marissa tells he just had the wrong key in the door. we asked her how she figured out which was the right key so quickly and she tells us, the ring only had two keys. Dumb ass drunk Kevin.

We go on our merry way, happy with our good deed.

The moral of the story - when you are going to drink yourself to oblivion, make sure you are with friends who won't throw you out of a cab in the middle of the street.