fremont The Fremonteer: February 2007

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Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Do you know this man???

While I am hard at work on my expose I thought a little trivia would be fun. Alright geniuses, who is this mustachioed man??



"Do you know this man???" is in no way related or affiliated to the new Fox game show "Are You Smarter than a 5th grader". But if you don't know who this is, then unfortunately the answer is "No, you are not smarter than a 5th grader." Sorry dummy.

Revenge of the Nerds






Below is the chat history of Mike, our friendly IT expert, playing a sick and cruel joke on our Lawyer friend Kirk. A little background: Kirk was nice enough to get Mike's company into his firm as their IT consultants. Mike now calls on Kirk's company with regulular IT updates and services. Angelo is Kirk's boss. Internet Tracking software would allow Kirk's boss to see what Kirk does on the Internet all day.

A few lessons to learn here -

1. Mike and his nerd friends have more control over us than most of us are comfortable with.

2. Careful what you do on your 'free time' at work.



Mike: yo

whats angelos phone #

Kirk: why, your guy is here

Mike: he wanted to talk about internet tracking software

Kirk: really?

Mike:
yeah

Kirk: seriously

Mike: sorry buddy. since your shit got stolen he's concerned w security

Kirk: what the f does internet tracking have to do with security

talk him out of it

Mike: I'll tell him its 10 grand

Kirk: don't lie, just tell him that it is useless for the purposes of security

Mike: but its not

it tracks both ways

Kirk: what do you mean?

Mike: connections coming in as well as out

Kirk: fuck

fuck

Mike: I can tweak it so you are ok

maybe

Kirk: is it expensive?

Mike: 2k w our services

Kirk: plus 1k monthly updates

???

Mike: u wish

Kirk: with the 2K service, what kind of traking can they do?

Mike: reporting or real time

however he wants it configured

I'll play it down. you have his number

Kirk: with info about sites visited at times and stuff? damn. ###-###-####

Mike: time stamp, site visited, and computername it came from on the outgoing side

thanks

Kirk: son of a gun - so basically I can't do anything anymore

Mike: I'll talk to the guy who works with it all the time and see what he can do

Kirk: ok



Don't worry...Mike was just kidding and no Internet tracking software is currently loaded into Kirk's computer...or is there?!?!?

Monday, February 26, 2007

Drunk Dialing: An Expose.

Part I: Rules Of Drunk Dialing

1. Only drunk dial when you are drunk. Everything else is false advertisement.

2. It is okay to call someone 27 times in one night. If you don't remember it, it didn't happen.

3. If you are going to drunk dial a family member, say something nice. Ex. "Mom, I'm in McDonald's and they're playing our song. I love you."

4. Dirty talk while drunk dialing is always preferred. Who doesn't want to hear your best raspy, phone sex voice at 3 in the A.M. asking to bend them over something??

5. Voicemails are always better. This way your friend can let their friends have fun at your expense for days, even weeks to come.

6. Drunk texting is alright… if you are prepared to read what you wrote the next day when you are sober.

7. It is definitely a good idea to call all of your exes and remind them that you were the best lover they've ever had and everything they know, they learned from you. This way you can sleep well at night.

8. It is always a good idea to sing on someone's answering machine or voicemail. Especially a show tune.

9. Drunk dialing should be fun and light hearted or dirty and sex crazed… never angry.

10. Most likely you will never drunk dial your best friends. They are usually the ones taking your phone away and reminding you that "you have a problem".

11. If you deleted a number sober, it was probably for a good reason. Do not try to retrieve this number. Nothing good can come from it.

12. If your cell phone dies, remember everything happens for a reason. Never borrow a friend's phone to do your dialing.

13. When dialing remember that "hanging out" at 3 in the a.m. usually doesn't involve cards it's probably going to be more like cheap lube and handcuffs. So be prepared when you really do want to play X-box when your drunk… "you want me to do what with your box? Play with it?"

14. Don't drunk dial in the pool, tub, or rainstorm. It only ends up with you blow drying your phone when your far too drunk to be using electronics and you won't be able to drunk dial anymore that night.

Friday, February 23, 2007

Rats gone wild!!!

Awesome story here about a combo KFC/Taco Bell in New York that had rats crawling all over the place. There is actually video of the furry little buggars scurrying around.

I have to say that my favorite part of the story is the official statement from KFC and Taco Bell. "This is completely unacceptable and is an absolute violation of our high standards," KFC and Taco Bell said in a statement. What high standards is that referring to? The toe nail in the burrito standard? I think that when you eat at a KFC or Taco Bell you expect a little something disgusting.

Another awesome fact is that Taco Bell and KFC is owned by a company called Yum Brands Inc. Rat droppings... Yum!

Spring Training Side Note:

I love the fact that baseball managers wear the uniform even though there is absolutely no reason for it, Pinella looks like an escaped mental patient in the uniform. It's pretty sad that Sweet Lou makes Jim Hendry (who generally looks like a walrus in a business suit) look like Mr. Cool Pants in that picture.

U.S. tourist kills mugger with bare hands

Retired GI puts armed Costa Rican in headlock, companions fend off others

This is what I consider a bad-ass grandpa.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Fremont Survey

When should we go to Fremont this year?

Since the 4th is on a Wednesday this year we don't know when we should go to Fremont. Vote and leave a comment on why that weekend is best.

The weekend before.
The weekend after.
Some other weekend.

View Results

Create your own myspace poll

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Bald Britney...

So, the nutcase checked herself into rehab. Big shock there.

But the even better story is this. The owner of the salon is selling the hair but the best part is that she is throwing in "the star's leftover Red Bull energy drink and her blue cigarette lighter." the piles of hair on the special website - http://www.buybritneyshair.com/ - is particularly disgusting.

Everyone involved in this (Britney included) should really pat themselves on the back. Nice job all around turning super hot "not that innocent" Britney into the bald bloated chain smoking trash bucket that she has become.

The only one who comes out of this one clean is JT for selling high on that commodity. Get out while the gettin's good. Congrats my man.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

St. Patrick's Day


I realize today is Valentine's day and everything, but I'm guessing 90% of the people that are reading this blog could either care less, or are scrambling last minute to find something clever, but not too expensive to do tonight. Something about spending a lot of money on a Wednesday night just bothers people (or maybe just me).

Anyway, is it too early to start talking about what we're doing for St. Patrick's day? I know what I'm NOT doing, and that's getting on a plane down to Key West FL to spend a magical evening at Irish Kevin's. Give me a minute...alone please (holding back tears)

Ok, I'm back. Anyway, its a month away, and the glorious day falls on a Saturday this year which is exciting and frightening at the same time. My plan is to obsess over St Patty's this year, and before I know it, the Super Secret Baseball Fun Retreat will sneak up on me in no time. Regardless of what we do, I'd like to make matching t-shirts for everyone that includes numbers on the back.

Let's begin the brainstorm on what we're doing this year. Here's some thought starters from previous St Patrick's day:
- Kirk really really likes green food coloring. He could sit in a corner and play with the stuff for hours.
- We never really found out if Eric would have fit in that Lizard cage. (i still say no)
- Harry Caray really likes hugs from me after a night of drinking.
- Peeing in a Solo cup on a school bus can be challenging and relieving at the same time.
- Like Mardi Gras, people will do almost anything for a set of green plastic beads or a shamrock sticker
- Tricia has killer St. Pat's day parties...that place on Lincoln with the pool tables does not.

Any ideas?


(For any babes reading this, sorry about the v-tines comment. I'm actually spending my evening tonight with a bottle of red, some bon bons, and a little "When Harry Met Sally").

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Obama Team Hunger Force



Here's the real story behind that "terrorism scare" in Boston last week.

Scary stuff.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Just lay down, and relax

Stress at work getting to you? Feeling the aches and pains of sitting at that desk all day? Just really want to take a break...and relax?




Just do what a handful of completely insane people do over in Isreal, and get a good, old-fashion snake massage!

"Spa owner Ada Barak gives a snake massage treatment, where she lets loose the reptiles on the body of customer Liz Cohen, at her spa in the northern communal village of Talmey El'Azar Feb. 1, 2007. Barak uses California and Florida King snakes, corn snakes and milk snakes in her treatments, which she said were inspired by her belief that once people get over any initial misgivings, they find physical contact with the creatures to be soothing. Picture taken Feb. 1, 2007. (Xinhua/Reuters Photo)"

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Happy Birthday!!!...yesterday

Just in case your Super Bowl hangover caused you to forget to wish Scott a Happy Birthday yesterday like I did, you still have a chance to wish him well and I encourage you to do so. Happy Birthday Scott!!





Oh yeah, and Eric's birthday was a while back and we never wished him well on the Fremonteer, a damn shame that I wish to rectify right now.

Happy Birthday Push Pop!!!

I hope your pipes feel better soon.

Monday, February 05, 2007

The World's Shortest Fairy Tale

(This post does not reflect the views of the staff or ownership of the Fremonteer, nor of the author of this post. The contents of this post are for entertainment purposes only and should not result in anyone getting mad at anyone else.)

Sunday, February 04, 2007

Bear Down!!! V

TODAY'S THE DAY. GO BEARS!!!!!!

Friday, February 02, 2007

Bear v. Colt

This is crap. Vote for the Bear.

The Bears are in the Super Bowl!!!!

Bear Down!!! IV

I though some random interesting facts would make for some good reading leading up to the Super Bowl. Unfortunatley the facts that are out there are not really that interesting. But just for the fun of it here's a list I came up with all by myself. With no help from anyone or the internet at all.

1. There have been no quarterbacks with the jersey No. 18, but five No. 8s have won. The most popular jersey is No. 12. It has won 13 times, nine of them in consecutive years.

2. There have been 41 players who have won Super Bowls with multiple teams. No one has won it with three teams. Three of the multiple winners are in the Hall of Fame -- Herb Adderly (Green Bay, Dallas), Forrest Gregg (Green Bay, Dallas), Ted Hendricks (Baltimore Colts, Los Angeles Raiders).

3. There have been 16 coaches and assistants who have won a Super Bowl with more than one team. No one has done it with three. Of the 16, Bill Belichick (N.Y. Giants, New England), Mike Ditka (Dallas, Chicago) and Mike Shanahan (Dallas, Denver) won as a player and a coach. Three are in the Hall of Fame -- Willie Brown (Oakland), Ditka (Dallas, Chicago) and Art Shell (Oakland).

4. Five head coaches went to the Super Bowl in his first season with team. Don McCafferty (Baltimore Colts, V), Red Miller (Denver, XII), George Seifert (San Francisco, XXIII), and Jon Gruden and Bill Callahan, XXXVII).

5. Seventeen sets of brothers have played in the Super Bowl. One set, the Griffins, had three siblings. Archie and Ray (XVI) played a few years ahead of their brother Keith (XXII).

6. The oldest coach ever in the big game was Dick Vermeil, who was 63 when his Rams beat the Titans 23-16 in Super Bowl XXXIV. The next is Weeb Ewbank, who was 61 when his Jets won Super Bowl III. The youngest is Gruden at 39 and John Madden at 40.

7. The three oldest players were Mike Horan of St. Louis (40), George Blanda of Oakland (40) and Jerry Rice of Oakland (40). The two youngest were Jamal Lewis of the Baltimore Ravens (21) and Tony Hill of Dallas (21).

8. There are three players who are tied with most combined interceptions in the Super Bowl, and that number happens to be three picks: Larry Brown, Chuck Howley and Rod Martin. Martin got all of his in Super Bowl XV, yet unlike Brown and Howley, he was not named game MVP.

9. Four quarterbacks have thrown 100 or more total passes: John Elway (152), Jim Kelly (145), Joe Montana (122) and Tom Brady (108).

10. Jerry Rice holds career Super Bowl records in four different categories: Points (48), catches (33), touchdowns (8) and yards receiving (589).

11. Troy Aikman is the all-time leader in passing percentage. He has completed 70 percent of passes (56 of 80). Montana has the best passer rating at 127.8.

12. In 1982, Washington's Mark Mosley became the only kicker ever to win the Associated Press MVP, then he helped the Redskins win Super Bowl XVII.

13. There have been 16 teams that had zero turnovers in the game; 14 of them won. The only two losses were Buffalo (XXV) when Scott Norwood missed a last-second field goal and when Tennessee (XXXIV) was stopped short of the goal line on the last play of the game against St. Louis.

14. The team that is ahead at the half has won 31 of 40 Super Bowls, but there have been two ties.

15. Seven running backs have won Super Bowl MVP honors. The collective score of those seven games is 208-99.

16. The top three single-game totals in rushing yardage were Timmy Smith (Washington, 204), Marcus Allen (Los Anegeles Raiders, 191) and John Riggins (Washington, 166).

17. In the 2006 NFC Championship Game, the Bears came within one penalty of having a perfect game for the first time in history. No sacks, no fumbles, no turnovers and one 5-yard illegal procedure penalty. Conversely, New Orleans had nine negative plays.

18. Both the Colts and Bears scored exactly the same amount of points this season: 427.

19. The Lombardi Trophy is 21 inches tall and weighs seven pounds with a regulation-sized football atop a three-sided base. Tiffany and Co. came up with the design and it costs $25,000.

20. The advertising rates for the first Super Bowl was $42,000 for a 30-second spot. Two years ago it was $2.4 million. This year it is $2.7 million.

21. Tom Sifferman is the first official to work three consecutive Super Bowls -- XXXVII, XXXVIII and XXXIX. Ironically, in his first year in the league, I once argued a call with him and said he wouldn't be back officiating for a second year. Five officials have worked five Super Bowls: Ron Botchan, Al Jury, Bob Beeks, Tom Kelleher and Jack Fette.

22. The city of Danville has the only radio station in Illinois that carries Colts games.

23. When Chicago and Indianapolis played host to their respected conference title games, it was the shortest distance between venues ever for that particular weekend. Soldier Field and the RCA Dome are separated by 181 miles.

Thursday, February 01, 2007

Get Pumped!!! a/k/a Bear Down!!! III

A preview of this weekend's game: