Drunk Dialing: an Expose.

Part II

I know many of you have had drunk dialing experiences so I think some of those stories deserve to be told. Lets say I have this friend, I'll call him Frank the Tank. I remember a particular night with this friend, Frank the Tank, and some drunk dialing circumstances. Rules 10, 11 and 12 are particularly pertinent to Frank the Tank's story. So you don't have to scroll down, they are:

10. Most likely you will never drunk dial your best friends. They are usually the ones taking your phone away and reminding you that "you have a problem".

11. If you deleted a number sober, it was probably for a good reason. Do not try to retrieve this number. Nothing good can come from it.

12. If your cell phone dies, remember everything happens for a reason. Never borrow a friend's phone to do your dialing.

Personally, I think these three tell a story by themselves except they are a little out of order and 12 should be expanded to "If you can't drunk dial from your own phone for any reason... eg. your phone battery dies, you deleted the number you want to drunk dial out of it, you dropped it in a toilet... never borrow a friend's phone to do your dialing." I see it going as follows.

You are sober and reasonable and know you should never talk to a certain person again. Since all our brains are mush from the drink and modern American advances like coca-cola, television and internet porn you don't know anyone's number off the top of your head (except possibly your mom's home phone and if you are lucky, your own) you figure that deleting that number from your phone will erase your ability to call that person later on when your little general or whathaveyou is able to convince your booze soaked brain decides that it is now a good idea to call that person. Under Rules 11 and 12 you should be fine, but nobody follows Rules 11 and 12.

Now the only way to make that call is to borrow a friend's phone, who, abiding by Rule 10, won't let you make the call if they know what you are up to, so you either have to lie or steal to get what you want. Both of which you are probably very good at if you are a little drinky. Now of course, this is where rule 12 applies. You should not under any circumstance tell those falsehoods or do those misdeeds which get you that phone. Its just not worth it.

Take the story of Frank the Tank as a warning. Now that sequence of event described was pretty much Frank the Tank's night when he was trying to call an ex we will call Julia Goolia. Do you know what resulted from all that mishmash. Frank got a hold of Julia and she hung up on him so good old Frank the Tank went to Julia Goolia's house. Julia wouldn't let him in so Frank gave up and despondently started walking home. Well, guess what happened next: a car hit Frank and he died.

Moral of the story - follow the drunk dialing rules or die.