Ten Quotes about Fremont, WI

10. Fremont’s just like Santa's workshop! Except it smells like mushrooms... and everyone looks like they wanna hurt me...

9. There was a moment last night in Fremont, when she was sandwiched between the two Finnish dwarves and the Maori tribesmen, where I thought, "Wow, I could really spend the rest of my life with this woman".

8. True love is hard to find, sometimes you think you have true love and then you catch the early flight home from Fremont and a couple of nude people jump out of your bathroom blindfolded like a goddamn magic show ready to double team your girlfriend...

7. Hey, I'll tell you what. You can get a good look at a Fremont butcher's ass by sticking your head up there, but wouldn't you rather to take his word for it? No, I meant, you can get a good look at a T-bone steak by sticking your head up a butcher's ass... No, wait. It's gotta be your bull.

6. So I was sitting in my cubicle today, and I realized, ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that's on the worst day of my life… except when I’m in Fremont.

5. If we get caught in Fremont, we're not going to white-collar resort prison. No, no, no. We're going to federal POUND ME IN THE ASS prison.

4. Whoa whoa whoa. The part of the story I don't like is that the little boy gave up looking for Happy after an hour. He didn't put posters up around Fremont or anything, he just sat on the porch like a goon and waited. That little boy's gotta think 'You got a pet. You got a responsibility.' If your dog is lost you don't look for an hour then call it quits. You get your ass out there and you find that fucking dog.

3. Discovered by the Germans in 1904, they named it Fremont, which of course in German means a whale's vagina.

2. I apologize to you if I don't seem real eager to jump into a forced awkward intimate situation that people like to call dating. I don't like the feeling. You're sitting there, you're wondering do I have food on my face, am I eating, am I talking too much, are they talking enough, am I interested I'm not really interested, should I play like I'm interested but I'm not that interested but I think she might be interested but do I want to be interested but now she's not interested? So all of the sudden I'm getting, I'm starting to get interested... And when am I supposed to kiss her? Do I have to wait for the door cause then it's awkward, it's like well goodnight. Do you do like that ass-out hug? Where you like, you hug each other like this and your ass sticks out cause you're trying not to get too close or do you just go right in and kiss them on the lips or don't kiss them at all? It's very difficult trying to read the situation. And all the while you're just really wondering are we gonna get hopped up enough to make some bad decisions in Fremont? Perhaps play a little game called "just the tip". Just for a second, just to see how it feels. Or, ouch, ouch you're on my hair.

And the number one quote that you are most likely to hear about Fremont, Wisconsin...

1. Your mom goes to college… in Fremont.