This is what it feels like dealing with my crazy landlord

Warning: Extreme Time Wasting Ahead

Shockwave sent this game along last week. you may have seen this already but there is no reason not to have the link here. It is very simple but hugely addicting and a lot of fun. My current record sits at 7.

Have fun - http://www.matchpractice.com/game/

True Story

A small zoo in Tennessee obtained a very rare species of gorilla. Within recent weeks the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to handle. Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem was that the gorilla was in heat. To compound the problem, no male gorilla available for breeding purposes.

The Zoo Keeper could come up with only one solution to the problem - Bobby Lee Walton, a redneck part-time worker responsible for cleaning the animal cages. Bobby Lee was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to mate with the gorilla for $500.00?

Bobby Lee showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully. The following day, he announced that he would accept their offer, but only under four conditions:

1. "First", Bobby Lee said, "I ain't gonna kiss her on the lips."The Keeper quickly agreed to this condition

2. "Second", he said, "You can't never tell no one about this."The Keeper again readily agreed to this condition.

3. "Third", Bobby Lee said, "I want all the children raised Southern Baptist." Once again it was agreed.

4. And last, Bobby Lee said "I'll need another week to come up with the $500.00

Alright, I lied. This wasn't a true story, sorry for lying.

An excellent joke...

Question: What's grey and hurts when you gets it in your eye?
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Answer: A Greyhound Bus

Sweet Beer Chucker

I hope everyone had a fun weekend out drinking and smoking and scamming chicks. No way you had more fun than Marissa and though; packing and moving is the best.

One thing makes it all worth while though. Fortunately we have one of these installed in our new place.

The wonders of craigslist

Here's some free stuff you can get on craigslist. For some of it all you need is a pick-up truck and four stout men to work the bellows. For others you just have to have a casual sense of hygiene. Some of it is stupid, but some of it is damn handy.

Lets say you are going to sell you house. You could go to the hardware store and buy a for sale by owner sign for $3.99 or you can get this guy's for free.

Or you can get a gently used lawn mattress. A mattress from your lawn!!?! Are you serious? Sign me up!

Maybe you want a sweet IKEA rug with a big red circle design that sheds red fuzz like a mother. A rug from IKEA is shitty? I don't believe it. Oh well, it may ruin your life but at least it's free.

And of course my favorite thing you can get for free on craigslist is free piano. Who wouldn't want a free piano? I know I would...of course you have to move it yourself.

Andre Agassi is a bastard.

I know I'd like to hit Stefi Graf in the face. Andre Agassi got to fulfill my wish when hit his wife in the face with his racket during a charity game. The article is the best. It is written like a CSI episode.

Check out this serious melodrama:

"Agassi held his racket in his left hand. After she was hit, Graf lifted her left hand to her mouth and walked off to the side of the court with Agassi following closely behind her to check on her well-being.

She wiped her mouth with a towel before leaving the stadium for an on-site doctor to administer three stitches to her lip, officials said. It was not clear whether the cut was to the inside or outside of her mouth area."

She got a boo boo on her mouth from Agassi and I expected the article to end with "No one can know whether she will survive." Well I sure she will be fine.

Sorry about the lack of updates. We had a busy week, the Boobs are officially homeowners now. Good stuff.

Happy birthday Sparky!

Top 20 things I learned in Las Vegas:

1. Jaywalking is taken very, very seriously…but prostitution and gambling are conveniently overlooked

2. Some so-called “adults” in downtown Vegas not only do creepy things with $4 prime rib, but are also racist

3. Every time you roll craps, you get the numbers 3 and 4 (anytime but the first time that is)

4. Passion parties are a unique way of strengthening relationships, or encouraging female independence (Thought I wouldn’t be able to learn enough on this topic…I was wrong)

5. Bally’s security has no patience for completely insane and/or psychotic cute girls in the hot tub

6. Monorail is not cheap

7. Gambling is not cheap

8. The “Party Pit” (while it sounds like a good time) is a horrible, horrible place

9. You give me $100, I give you plastic beads and a free deck of cards = bad trade

10. The pedway into Caesar’s takes exactly 9 minutes and 37 seconds

11. Don’t order a Bloody Mary in the Bally’s breakfast diner

12. A lot of people named Terry work at Binion’s (one of them is an older man who is really into Black Sabbath)

13. The $5 shrimp cocktail at Golden Gate looks really bad (pretty much any food at that place makes you want to take a shower once you’re done eating)

14. Vegas briefs are surprisingly comfortable

15. Chris doesn’t know how to work an alarm clock

16. Kirk does in fact not like men

17. Mike lost his mojo

18. Scott vacations more than most retired couples

19. Eric doesn’t know how to pack

20. And don’t ever try and play gay chicken with Matt. You may find yourself in a very awkward situation